Crossing the fat line

Yep, this is me a few years ago kicking it with a few of my daughter’s friends. No it wasn’t Holloween, that’s just the way they liked to dress. I’m not judging. But I am judging myself. Look at that GUT. This was a bit before I lost 50 pounds and swore I would never let myself get that bad again. 

Well, I’m not quite there, but according to the BMI charts I have officially crossed the line between healthy weight and overweight. HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN? I exercise over 5 days a week. My Fitbit says I’m an over achiever, but what it meant to say is that I’m overeater. Now I’m an overweight overachiever. 

So it’s back to the drawing board. BUT THIS IS NOT A NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION. I hate New Year’s Resolutions. This is just looking in the mirror and feeling disgusted. It turns out that working for a children’s home can be a bigger eating temptation than even driving a truck. Food is everywhere: donuts, candy, and desserts of every kind. Not only that, but if I’m going to eat something that isn’t from the processed food category, I’m going to have to make it myself. 

Plus, it turns out that I really like to cook. Like most things I like doing, I’m not very good at it. My poor hands have been cut so many times from slicing food that I have lost count. I’m not inclined to follow recipes either. It’s kind of hit and miss. It’s like, “Hmm, I wonder what stove top stuffing taste like when it is ground up and put on Chicken.” That was a hit thanks to the woman in the food room. Smoothies are a favorite too. It’s hit and miss of course, but mostly a hit. The girls seem to like them and even request them, but I tell them I can’t guarantee they will turn out like last time. 

Now I have a dehydrator. It doesn’t matter what it is, I’m wondering what it will be like after I take all the moisture out. Sometimes it’s great. Other times it’s straight to the trash. I started canning too!!! I’ve made jelly, apple sauce, and syrup that was supposed to be jelly. I improvise with my failures. The girls are quite skeptical. They want to know what they are eating. Well, I learned a long time ago when I was serving in the Marine Corps, you don’t always want to know what your eating. Try it!!! I mean I probably never would have tried fish eyes or monkey brain if I knew that was what I was eating. But they are both better tasting than the food served in the mess hall. 

I made some sort of egg dish a while back that is now requested frequently. I was just putting stuff in a pan that seemed like it might work. My mom used to do this all the time and call it soup. NASTY SOUP. That’s a story for another time. I didn’t know what to call it and since the girls need a name for a dish before they will eat it, I called it a Ken-cauction because Ken is my name and I was making a cancauction. 

Anyway all this cooking and inventing has lead me down the road to obesity. The six pack abs has turned to 6  rolls of flab. Looks like I’m not going to be an underwear model after all. I can’t describe my disappointment over that.😦

Well, life goes on. Back to counting calories and measuring helping. Welcome back Ken the health nut. The girls hate Ken the health nut. Everybody hates Ken the health nut.  My wife really hates Ken the health nut. She just might kill Ken the health nut. So if I come up missing and anybody cares: SHE DID IT!!! She just pretends to like me on Facebook. In reality she has been waiting for the right time.  She has been reading books and watching all sorts of TV on how to murder people for years. She definately knows how. Don’t let her get away with it. It doesn’t matter if I deserve it. Murder is wrong!!! If I can’t do it, neither should she. 



About Ken Sayers

I’m just a man on a journey somewhere between Heaven and Hell. I seek acceptance and meaning in life just like everyone else.
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