Insomnia

Today is my day off. It early in the morning and I’m so tired I barely have the ability to get my eyes to focus on what I’m writing. Yet, I’m awake. I’ve been awake now for quite a while, to the point that I figure sleep is just not going to happen at this time. So I’m up. I have no need to be up. I don’t even want to be up, but I’m up. 

Insomnia has plagued my life ever since I can remember. Of course I can’t remember much because my brain doesn’t work well if I’m too tired. Why can’t I just sleep? I’ve sought help. I’ve had a sleep study done. I’ve tried natural remedies, unnatural remedies, I’ve gone to doctors, taken pills, I’ve heard all sorts of advice, and I have spent a lot of money,  but nothing has really helped. 

I’m not the only one. My wife struggles too. So to my parents, children, and my one grandchild refuses to stay still long enough to sleep. She’s only one, but I suspect she has the problem too. The only one in my family who doesn’t have the problem is the dog. It’s a real problem for several reasons. 

  1. I fear my sanity. My mother has had several psychotic epitisodes (for the lack of a better term) and sleep deprivation is one of the common elements. 
  2. Lack of sleep usually leads me into deep depression. When I’m tired, I’m moody. I can get angry over nothing, and that is never good.  
  3. When I’m tired, I have difficulty focusing which means my ability to function in impaired. Things like work, driving, etc. can be effected to a dangerous level. 

Why can’t I just sleep? Because I can’t shut off my mind.My body may law down, but my brain is going a hundred miles an hour. Night time seems to be my favorite time to engage in the one thing I seem really good at: WORRY. It’s stupid really. The Bible tells me I shouldn’t worry. So I not only worry, I feel guilty about worrying which makes me worry about being worried. I haven’t found much in life that I can claim to be really good at except worrying. I’m really good at that. I worry about my kids, I worry about my job, I worry about my country. OH, I’M VERY WORRIED ABOUT MY COUNTRY. The list goes on and on, but I think you get the idea. 

In the midst of my struggle, I have discovered somethings that help. It does me no good to to just lie there, I must find a way to redirect my thoughts. Sometimes it is best to get out of bed and do something besides trying to fall asleep. In this case, I got up and wrote a post about insomnia. But there are all sorts of options, and that is a good thing become what works one time might not work another. Sometimes listening to a book helps me get to sleep. That is if the book doesn’t get interesting. If it does, then it defeats it’s sort of defeats the purpose. The main thing is to get my find off trying to sleep. There are somethings you will never accomplish with effort, and sleep is one of those things. One thing I have learned over the years is just to get my mind off it and just sleep later. 

I can’t remember the last time I’ve gotten a full nights sleep, but little naps seem to help in big ways. So, if I can’t sleep right now, maybe there is something else I can do right now. I will sleep later. At least for a little while. 

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About Ken Sayers

I'm currently employed by a children's home where my wife and I care for a cottage of girls who have been displaced from their families. I'm a middle age man with two grown children of my own and one grandchild. I have worked as a United States Marine, a youth minister, a preacher, a childcare worker, and a truck driver. My hobbies include photography, horses, playing guitar, writing, and fitness.
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